you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
