i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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