i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
