Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
