i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
