You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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