What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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