It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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