I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
