just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
