make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
