hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
