I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
