when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize