I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
