I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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