Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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