he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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