i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
