I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
