ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
