And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
