I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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