Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
