I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
