I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
