i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
