he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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