Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
