the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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