am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
are you so shy because you have an std?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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