So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
