I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
