Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
