Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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