i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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