someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
