Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
