around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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