I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
