I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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