im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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