What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
