saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
