You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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