Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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