I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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