I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
