I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
