we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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