my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
