Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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