I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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