She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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