apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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