Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
