So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
