Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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