sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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