considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
