you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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