Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
