i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize