I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
