I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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